31st July 2025
Emotional Suppression: Handle your feelings, or they will handle you
When people feel unable to express their emotions safely, when vulnerability is misunderstood or stigmatized, or when workplace norms favor emotional detachment, it disproportionately affects those already navigating systemic barriers. Emotional suppression doesn’t just hinder personal well-being; it undermines belonging, trust, and psychological safety.
Each year, we include a dedicated mental health talk in our DEI festival because we recognize that mental health isn’t separate from DEI; it’s a vital part of it. This year, we chose to focus specifically on emotional suppression, and we were honored to welcome renowned addiction therapist Mandy Saligari for a powerful session on the topic.
In this blog post, we share key takeaways from Mandy’s talk and reflect on how emotional literacy can strengthen our communities. Whether you’re seeking to better understand your own emotional patterns or foster more emotionally attuned environments for others, we hope this piece offers both insight and practical value.
To begin, we’ll explore addiction because, as Mandy emphasized, addictions are often a response to unprocessed emotions.
The nature of addiction
Addiction isn’t just about specific substances; it’s often rooted in emotional suppression —it’s about the tendency to outsource our emotional processes. Many individuals unknowingly delegate their emotional responsibilities to external factors, leading to harmful dependencies. For example, relying on physical exercise to manage anger can create a dependency that avoids addressing the root cause of that anger. Similarly, turning to food to soothe difficult emotions like stress or sadness may feel comforting at first, but can become an addictive cycle that masks pain and prevents true healing.
Others may use work to escape uncomfortable feelings, often leading to burnout without resolving the underlying emotional tension. Over time, this pattern can foster an anxious relationship with oneself and reinforce feelings of self-rejection.
Understanding addiction in this broader, emotional context helps reframe how we think about coping and connection, not as isolated behaviors, but as signs of deeper needs.
✨Practical tips:
- Reflect on dependencies: Identify activities or substances you rely on to manage emotions. Consider how these might be preventing you from addressing underlying feelings.
- Practice mindfulness: Engage in mindfulness exercises to become more aware of your emotions as they arise rather than suppressing them.
- Journaling: Keep a journal to express your emotions freely and identify patterns over time.
The importance of self-inventory
Understanding oneself is crucial for emotional management. Taking a personal inventory involves examining your thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and relationships honestly. Emotional repression, often called emotional suppression often shows up as anxiety and depression. Feelings that are typically the result of unprocessed emotions like fear, shame, and anger. By addressing these underlying emotions, we can begin to dismantle the “folders” of anxiety and depression we’ve built over time.
The drama triangle and communication
A powerful concept Mandy introduced in her session is the Drama Triangle, a social model developed by Stephen Karpman that outlines three roles people often unconsciously adopt in emotionally charged situations: Victim, Rescuer, and Persecutor. These roles can feel familiar (and even seductive) because they offer a sense of identity or control in moments of emotional discomfort. But ultimately, they reinforce cycles of suppression, dependency, and disconnection.
- The Victim feels powerless and overwhelmed, often believing they have no control over their circumstances. While this may reflect real hardship, staying in this role can prevent personal agency and growth.
- The Rescuer steps in to help, but often in a way that enables dependence rather than empowerment. Their support may stem from a desire to feel needed, rather than a genuine response to someone’s needs.
- The Persecutor criticizes, blames, or exerts control (sometimes externally toward others, sometimes internally toward themselves), often as a defense against vulnerability or fear.
All three roles are fueled by emotional suppression and unacknowledged needs. For example, someone stuck in the Rescuer role may avoid their own feelings of inadequacy by over-functioning for others. A Persecutor may be driven by unprocessed anger or shame. And a Victim may suppress grief, resentment, or fear. These are emotions that, if brought into the open, could lead to healing and change.
These roles perpetuate blame and shame, affecting interpersonal relationships both personally and professionally. Recognizing these patterns is a step toward emotional literacy. When we become aware of the roles we play -at work, home, or ourselves- we can begin to step out of the triangle and relate to others from a place of clarity, compassion, and mutual accountability.
Embracing self-care as self-esteem in action
Mandy closed her session with a powerful reminder: self-care is not indulgence, it’s self-esteem in action, and we should treat ourselves with the same compassion, respect, and tenderness we so readily extend to others.
True self-care isn’t just about rest or pampering. It’s about intentionally choosing actions that nurture our emotional, physical, and psychological well-being, often as a necessary response to emotional suppression. This could mean setting boundaries, making time for joy, seeking support, or simply slowing down to listen to what we need.
Supporting emotional management at Adaptive
At Adaptive, we understand the importance of emotional management and self-awareness in both personal and professional success. In line with Mandy Saligari’s emphasis on addressing emotions directly, we have several initiatives to support our employees’ mental health:
- Mental Health First Aiders (MHFA): Trained staff members across our offices provide confidential support to employees facing mental health challenges, whether work-related or personal.
- Employee Assistance Programme (EAP): Offers free, confidential counseling services to employees, ensuring access to professional help when needed.
- Supportive Environment: We encourage open discussions about mental and emotional health, fostering a culture of respect, openness, and sensitivity. Employees are supported in managing stress and emotional difficulties without fear of judgment or victimization.
These initiatives help ensure our employees are empowered to manage their emotions and well-being effectively, creating a healthier, more supportive workplace.
✨Practical tips:
- Seek professional help: If you’re struggling with emotional management, don’t hesitate to consult a therapist or counselor.
- Connect with others: Build a support network of friends or family who can provide understanding and encouragement.
- Practice gratitude: Incorporate a daily gratitude practice to shift focus from negative emotions to positive aspects of life.
Speaker Bio
Mandy Saligari is a renowned addiction specialist and psychotherapist with 30 years of clinical experience. She founded Charter Harley Street, London’s first private outpatient clinic for addiction, and is celebrated for her work in treating substance abuse and addiction. Mandy’s approach emphasizes the psychological and emotional dimensions of addiction, providing tailored support and strategies for recovery.
A well-regarded public speaker, Mandy delivered a TEDx talk that garnered 2.9 million views andappeared on TV in three series of In Therapy and the groundbreaking series Violent Child, Desperate Parents. She is also the author of Proactive Parenting, which outlines her innovative approach to parenting.
